All posts filed under: Relationships

Don’t Take It from Me: Reasons You Should Not Marry an Unbeliever by Kathy Keller

3 min read This is a short post by Kathy Keller, the wife to Timothy Keller, founders of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan, New York.  Kathy writes a straight to the point poignant post about the challenges faced by two people of different faiths. In this case, Christian single people seriously considering getting married to a non-Christian.  If you are a Christian single man or woman, you should really consider the valuable wisdom Kathy Keller shares in her post. You could be saved from a lifetime of misery and heartache. She writes, Marriage is HARD ENOUGH (emphasis mine) when you have two believers who are completely in harmony spiritually. I ask, what about two people who don’t share the same faith? A million times harder.  Check it out.

9th lesson learned​ in our 8th year of marriage.

6 min read Last year, as Jenny and I celebrated our 7th year anniversary, I wrote on the 8 lessons we’d learned in our marriage. These are tough humbling lessons we’ve learned by observation and experience. You can read last year’s post here. In keeping with this tradition, this is what we’ve learned in our 8th year of marriage. YOU CAN BE BOTH RIGHT AT THE SAME TIME.  Time and time again in our 8 short years of marriage, Jenny and I have had to make decisions, be they simple or complex ones, and both of us were right, at the same time. Let me share two examples.

Joshua Harris and the sexual prosperity gospel

8 min read In April 2018, I wrote a post titled, On Dating and being a Virgin. Check out the post here. Basically, the premise of the post was this—most, if not all teaching in the church on chastity is reduced to this idea—if you are chaste and pure, preferably a virgin, God will bless you with a Christian spouse, mind-blowing sex, and marital bliss forever. This is what Christian singles constantly hear from the pulpits and from well-meaning couples married for many years. I received comments for and against my post that made me realize this was a hot button issue among Christian singles. I argued in that post that 1) It is unscriptural to teach or preach that, 2) It is unlivable and unrealistic because we live in a fallen world, 3) Chastity is no guarantee that you will succeed or fail in marriage, and 4) Even if you were a failure sexually, God can still bless your marriage. That God works with failures for his glory. I came across this post, recently, from Katelyn Beaty …

On this Father’s Day, we celebrate our men for what Jesus has done for them

5 min read I have done this before, I’ll do it again. Here we go. Grab a mic or open your voice memos app, walk up to both men and women on the street and ask them this question, what do you think manhood is? Define who a man besides his physical form. The answers will be varied and based on the cultural context. If the person responding has adopted the individualistic belief system (mostly lived out in the Western hemisphere and North America) they will convey something to this effect. A man is someone who takes good care of themselves. They work and play hard. They are modern and educated. They love the good things in life. They are gentlemanly, romantic and are not afraid to show their emotions. They frequent massage parlours and do facials, pedicure and manicures. They have a vision and a plan. They know what they want in this life. They are religious or spiritual. They also love to have a good time—a drink here and there, and some good music. He has …

Healthy competition in marriage? Is this​ possible?

5 min read A friend of mine read my blog on how grace helps us deal with competition in our marriage. He and his wife are good friends of ours and they had a nagging issue they wanted me to help address. In a nutshell, their issue was this, is there healthy competition in marriage? Can a married couple healthily compete to build each other, to make each other better, and build a great life? Our ensuing conversation went something like this. I asked him to define the term healthy competition. I had to probe his definition so I could understand what he means. He said something akin to this. He said, “It is bringing your talents, gifts and experience together to win in life, to build a great life. When we compete we make each other better.” Then I said to him, “Your definition has to assume that a rival, a competitor exists, right? You are not just competing in a vacuum. There is an opponent and a prize, right?”  Yes, he said. Then I asked, “Who …

Mummy, we see Jesus in you and we hear the gospel from you. Happy Mother’s Day

4 min read On, this Mother’s Day, I would like to pay special homage to mothers who have played a significant role in my life. At different stages of my life, I was nourished, disciplined, blessed and supported by mothers.  After the death of my father, my mother, Catherine and my sister, Evelyn, picked up the baton and raised 4 boys. It was tough. They made sacrifices, but they did so with grace. They prayed, guided, counselled, fed, educated, clothed, financed and fought with us and for us. Thank you for all you do, mummy and sis.  In the early days of ministry at Nakuru Christian Center, mothers, too many to mention, always prayed for and supported me. Special mention to Mama Dorah (Mrs. Lihanda). She loved my brothers and I like her own kids. When we were in primary school, Mrs. Kiveu, opened her home to us for after-school tuition. Mrs. Gicheru and her husband fed us. They owned a restaurant, and would often shop and drop goodies at our home. They were a blessing to …

How grace helps us deal with competition in our marriage

© October 18, 2018 | Schulter Etyang When Jenny and I celebrated our seventh-year anniversary, I wrote a blog on some lessons that we had learned through the years. You can read the blog post here. One of the lessons we shared was this – we are on the same team. In this lesson, I indicated how early on in our marriage, we were highly competitive – competitive that we demeaned the other, subtly or at other times openly. A simple game of squash would end up with angry outbursts and simmering tension that would brew for days. When a friend of ours read the post, she remarked that I was being a bit touchy about the competitiveness and that she liked to compete. In the conversation, she spoke of how she played simple games with her daughter and loved the competition. What I didn’t tell her is that for us, a simple game of squash would bring out the competitive nature in us, and the ensuing tension would simmer for days. 

On dating and being a virgin

© April 17, 2018 | Schulter Etyang Over the years, counsel given to Christian singles and those seeking to marry and even remarry has bemused me. Some of the counsel given through pre-marital counselling sessions, books on dating and courtship, or even from one Christian to another to Christian singles and those who have experienced the sad loss of a marriage through divorce or death has been strange, if not outright unbiblical. I listened to a preacher on Christian television read out a list of things you should ask your potential mate before saying, “I do.” The list was long and detailed. His message went viral. People lapped it up. Yet, if you listened closely to what he said, only a chosen few could meet his criteria. 

Brought to the end of ourselves – the gift that marriage has given us

So, Jenny and I are celebrating our 6th year in marriage. To the one’s that have been married recently that’s like, “Wow that’s amazing guys.” To the ones that have been in this game for long they are like, “Mschew, nothing to see here.” hahahahahaha On September 2, 2011, we made our vows before God and in front of our families and friends. It was a joyous occasion. I cried and snorted like a baby. The day was a blur to me though. I cannot remember most of the details. The only thing I do remember is that the next day we drove around Johannesburg looking for a doctor because I had mild pneumonia. That’s how we started our honeymoon. Here we are 6 years later. As we celebrate our 6th anniversary we decided to write a short post about our journey. It’s something we plan to do every year. This is the first of many posts to come about our marriage and how the gospel of grace has worked its way in and through our lives.