All posts filed under: Marriage and Family

On this Father’s Day, we celebrate our men for what Jesus has done for them

5 min read I have done this before, I’ll do it again. Here we go. Grab a mic or open your voice memos app, walk up to both men and women on the street and ask them this question, what do you think manhood is? Define who a man besides his physical form. The answers will be varied and based on the cultural context. If the person responding has adopted the individualistic belief system (mostly lived out in the Western hemisphere and North America) they will convey something to this effect. A man is someone who takes good care of themselves. They work and play hard. They are modern and educated. They love the good things in life. They are gentlemanly, romantic and are not afraid to show their emotions. They frequent massage parlours and do facials, pedicure and manicures. They have a vision and a plan. They know what they want in this life. They are religious or spiritual. They also love to have a good time—a drink here and there, and some good music. He has …

Healthy competition in marriage? Is this​ possible?

5 min read A friend of mine read my blog on how grace helps us deal with competition in our marriage. He and his wife are good friends of ours and they had a nagging issue they wanted me to help address. In a nutshell, their issue was this, is there healthy competition in marriage? Can a married couple healthily compete to build each other, to make each other better, and build a great life? Our ensuing conversation went something like this. I asked him to define the term healthy competition. I had to probe his definition so I could understand what he means. He said something akin to this. He said, “It is bringing your talents, gifts and experience together to win in life, to build a great life. When we compete we make each other better.” Then I said to him, “Your definition has to assume that a rival, a competitor exists, right? You are not just competing in a vacuum. There is an opponent and a prize, right?”  Yes, he said. Then I asked, “Who …

Mummy, we see Jesus in you and we hear the gospel from you. Happy Mother’s Day

4 min read On, this Mother’s Day, I would like to pay special homage to mothers who have played a significant role in my life. At different stages of my life, I was nourished, disciplined, blessed and supported by mothers.  After the death of my father, my mother, Catherine and my sister, Evelyn, picked up the baton and raised 4 boys. It was tough. They made sacrifices, but they did so with grace. They prayed, guided, counselled, fed, educated, clothed, financed and fought with us and for us. Thank you for all you do, mummy and sis.  In the early days of ministry at Nakuru Christian Center, mothers, too many to mention, always prayed for and supported me. Special mention to Mama Dorah (Mrs. Lihanda). She loved my brothers and I like her own kids. When we were in primary school, Mrs. Kiveu, opened her home to us for after-school tuition. Mrs. Gicheru and her husband fed us. They owned a restaurant, and would often shop and drop goodies at our home. They were a blessing to …

How grace helps us deal with competition in our marriage

© October 18, 2018 | Schulter Etyang When Jenny and I celebrated our seventh-year anniversary, I wrote a blog on some lessons that we had learned through the years. You can read the blog post here. One of the lessons we shared was this – we are on the same team. In this lesson, I indicated how early on in our marriage, we were highly competitive – competitive that we demeaned the other, subtly or at other times openly. A simple game of squash would end up with angry outbursts and simmering tension that would brew for days. When a friend of ours read the post, she remarked that I was being a bit touchy about the competitiveness and that she liked to compete. In the conversation, she spoke of how she played simple games with her daughter and loved the competition. What I didn’t tell her is that for us, a simple game of squash would bring out the competitive nature in us, and the ensuing tension would simmer for days. 

On dating and being a virgin

© April 17, 2018 | Schulter Etyang Over the years, counsel given to Christian singles and those seeking to marry and even remarry has bemused me. Some of the counsel given through pre-marital counselling sessions, books on dating and courtship, or even from one Christian to another to Christian singles and those who have experienced the sad loss of a marriage through divorce or death has been strange, if not outright unbiblical. I listened to a preacher on Christian television read out a list of things you should ask your potential mate before saying, “I do.” The list was long and detailed. His message went viral. People lapped it up. Yet, if you listened closely to what he said, only a chosen few could meet his criteria. 

Brought to the end of ourselves – the gift that marriage has given us

So, Jenny and I are celebrating our 6th year in marriage. To the one’s that have been married recently that’s like, “Wow that’s amazing guys.” To the ones that have been in this game for long they are like, “Mschew, nothing to see here.” hahahahahaha On September 2, 2011, we made our vows before God and in front of our families and friends. It was a joyous occasion. I cried and snorted like a baby. The day was a blur to me though. I cannot remember most of the details. The only thing I do remember is that the next day we drove around Johannesburg looking for a doctor because I had mild pneumonia. That’s how we started our honeymoon. Here we are 6 years later. As we celebrate our 6th anniversary we decided to write a short post about our journey. It’s something we plan to do every year. This is the first of many posts to come about our marriage and how the gospel of grace has worked its way in and through our lives.

Your deeply flawed husband

Dear wife, Listen closely… That husband of yours is as deeply flawed and wounded as they come – if you hadn’t noticed yet. It’s not his fault. It’s not even his parent’s fault. His parents were just as flawed and wounded as he is. And their parents (his grandparents) were just as flawed and wounded.  Whose fault is it anyway? It’s Adam and Eve’s fault. Adam and Eve did that. We are all still suffering because of those two.

Grace, marriage and weakness

Many people enter into marriage Too strong Too knowledgeable Too wise Too experienced Too spiritual or religious Too smart Too clever Too educated Too strategic Mainstream advice on dating and marriage (whether from the church or world) tells single people that they have to enter into marriage knowing their strengths and how to use their strengths to their advantage. By this they mean that single people need to know the strengths that they would bring into their marriage.